Adoption Information

          I have two friends who have adopted internationally.  Both adopted very young children and have really been blessed.  I know a director of an adoption agency in my hometown.  I emailed her and her response is below. 

  

Hi Pamela,

          My husband told me that you might be contacting me.  I’m sorry to say that the process of adopting a child while in country is a difficult and costly one. It is difficult and costly if you were in the states as well, but more so while residing in the country.  You will need to have a licensed agency, in the state your have permanent residency, provide you with a home study.  That could range from $1500 to $2500 depending on the agency.  This would be considered an independent international adoption, which are very difficult to do. This is assuming the country allows international adoption.  We do not work in Nigeria, so I am unfamiliar with the countries process or whether they allow adoptions.

           I would also suggest doing a lot of reading and research on adopting a child of color and adopting internationally.  I am sure that you and Clint have a lot of love for this child, but It takes more than love to raise a children of color, especially an older child raised in an institution.  While most of our kids do pretty well in adoptive families, it is not without a lot of training and support.  It is a very different kind of parenting since these kids come from a lot of loss.  This child you are interested in will have a lot of trauma he is and will be experiencing.  It isn’t impossible, it just is a lot of work. 

          I have attached a bibliography that we give out to our parents before they adopt.  It has a list of books and websites related to adoption and specifically international adoption.

          I am sorry that I couldn’t be more positive about this.  If after doing some more reading, you and Clint are still interested in adopting, you will need to locate an attorney or agency that can help you.  Unfortunately these are not the type of adoptions we can assist in.  I would advise, if you decide to move forward, to be very cautious as to who you enlist in assisting you in this process.  Unfortunately, not all attorneys and agencies are trust worthy and you need to be careful.  I would suggest first, checking to see if the country allows adoption before you go further with this.

Hope this helps. 

Take care.

          The reading list is 5 pages long and the website list 3 pages long.  That is good though because I do understand the importance of being informed and prepared.  I heard from another friend that the immigration fees are huge also.  It makes me so sad how much money it would cost to give this gift of love.  We would have to make renovations to our home in the States too since he is in a wheelchair and we have steps leading to almost every room.  I wish this could be simpler.  I want to bring him home to my flat today and figure everything out as we go.  Of course, I sound like a child myself with that statement.  My heart is just breaking for him.  I wish I was a wealthy person who had everything in place; a job where my home is in Oregon with good health insurance for starters.  For now maybe we can arrange to tutor him before he leaves for the institutional school in Northern Nigeria.  We could pen pal with him to stay in contact and maybe someday we could help him come to the US to attend college and he could stay with us.  I am not ready to completely let this adoption idea go but until we have jobs in the States this seems impossible.  We still have another year on our teaching contracts here in Nigeria.  Clint doesn't know what to think about all this.  I don't think that is a good sign.  I know I could not do this on my own.  I will keep praying for answers to why God led me to this child.

Tony

          We met a young man last fall named Tony.  He lives at an orphanage in the community where we are teachers.  Our school arranged to bring some students to come and sing to and interact with the kids at the orphanage.  We also brought food and cash to help the orphanage.  Tony caught my eye right away.  He was on the ground in the middle of all the children and adults.  When the kids all started to play a game, I helped him move to the side.  I felt so bad.  When another lady and I put our arms under his arms to lift him up his pants fell down to his knees.

Our first visit to the orphanage

          I sat down next to him to get to know him and that is when I learned his name.  He didn't say very much.  I guessed based on his size he was about 8 yrs old and I also made the assumption he had polio.  We see grown men everyday in the middle of the busy intersections pan-handling who appear to suffer from  polio.  They sit on a square board on wheels.  They fold up their legs underneath their body and put their hands into flip-flops to move themselves around on the hot pavement.

Tony

          About a month or so ago I had a dream we adopted Tony and brought him back to the States with us.  I usually have nightmares with the anti-malaria medication I take everyday but this dream was very vivid and very peaceful.  It really took me by surprise.  I had not even considered the idea.  Since then I have read two stories in the Guidepost magazine about adopting children of African descent. Both were really powerful examples of how rewarding it was for both the family and the child.
          My fear though was could we even adopt a child with polio and would the US even allow us to bring him back with us?  Would our community and family be outraged since polio is contagious?  Many adults have not received their adult immunization from polio because it is not an active problem in the States.  Would we grow so attached to him that when the polio advanced to the point that it took his life would it destroy us in the process?  We just had so many questions.  My heart has been so drawn to this young man and I truly believe God has led us to him.  I just had to start asking my questions out loud.
          Today was our fourth time at the orphanage.  We were bringing gifts for the children and money to support the orphanage.  I gathered my courage and asked the Nun if we could talk to her.  I sat down and told her I wanted to know about polio.  She looked puzzled so I explained my heart was drawn to Tony.  She told us that Tony was left at the gate of the orphanage when he was just a newborn and that was 12 years ago.  The doctor said his mother had tried to abort him and in the process he was left crippled but alive.  The nuns had taken him to see an orthopedic doctor but there was nothing they could do.  He has not been to a regular school because they are not set-up for a wheelchair bound student.  They are looking for a school in the capital city of Nigeria for him.  She said he was smart.
          I could hardly get the words out because I became so choked up.  I am a strong supporter of pro-life.  I asked the Nun if anyone from the US had ever adopted any of their children.  She said no.  I told her he was really on my heart and that I was going to start looking into it and talk to our school.  I don't know where this will lead.  I feel like we can hardly afford to provide for our ourselves or our own adult children's needs but if we can save Tony from a life of pan-handling it would be enough.  Our home both in Oregon and here have steps.  I don't know how this could all happen but I do know that if God did put this on my heart for a reason than it will come together.  It is really kind of funny how I am usually the realist and my husband is the dreamer but in this situation my husband says I am the emotional dreamer.
          Will you pray with us for Tony?  We want to make a positive difference in his life.  I don't know how or when or what this even means but if we can do anything for him we want to try.  Thanks for your support.

Malaria

          I felt like I was getting the flu Thursday evening but I had to go to work Friday.  It was my favorite day all year. It was the day to be The Cat in the Hat.  I think I got through the day by my determination and adrenaline.  My assistant had taken Thursday and Friday off so that didn't help but I was very thankful when it was time to go home.  

This is my friend Li.

          Friday night I had a 103 temp or greater and my skin was visibly red.  Every nerve ending and muscle was extremely sore like the worst flu you have ever had.  I took Tylenol through the night and the next day which helped some.  I hadn't felt like eating since Friday morning.  I had diarrhea like what you get when preparing for a colonoscopy.  We still thought I just had the flu.  One of my students had diarrhea a week ago and her parents kept sending her to school each day.  Since we lose water every time the power is out at school because of the water pump for the well, lack of sanitation + kindergartener = germfest.  Saturday evening we were watching a show we had downloaded.  Our principal and his wife were in our compound for a movie night.  Clint almost went but decided to stay behind.  I kind of felt like I was going to throw up so I sat up and then all of a sudden I had the worst chest pain I have ever felt.  It felt like and elephant sat on my chest.  I could barely breath.  My breathing was so limited I couldn't talk and I couldn't move even my arm to motion to Clint.  The pain also felt like it went through nerves across my chest in sharp pains.  My arms felt numb and my back hurt.  I was frozen sitting up for what felt like 15 min but was probably more like 5 min before it eased off enough that I could say "help".  Clint ran next door to get our school administrator for a ride to the hospital.  She ran down to where the principal was and then they got me.  I thought I was having a heart attack.  

          I think God knew the fear of a heart attack was the only way I was going to the hospital.  It was hard getting in the car even though the pain had reduced but I was so weak from being sick.  I had a 102 temp and that was while on a fever reducer.  They did a test to check my heart, took some blood and my vitals.  Both my blood pressure and blood sugar were seriously low.  They said my heart was fine but my blood test showed I had malaria.  I was so angry.  I take my anti-malaria meds by the clock every night and had used the insect repellent with the high percentage of DEET almost every time I was outside after dark.  I definitely used it every time I was going to be out for more than a few minutes.  I do remember getting a bite on my leg about two weeks ago while walking home in the dark with a group from a restaurant even though I had the bug repellent on.  It could have been the one.  

          I was admitted overnight because of my blood pressure and blood sugar levels.  They also wanted to see how I would react to the malaria medication because it will increase your temperature.  They gave me something to increase my adrenaline to help the blood pressure.  I told them I tend to run low normally and same with my blood sugar if I do not eat regularly.  Well it of course kept me awake most of the night.  Clint had retrieved my C-Pap machine so I was connected on one side of the bed with that and an IV on the other side.  After multiple times trying to get the IV in they gave up and used the vein in the bend of my arm but I had to promise not to bend my arm.  I don't know why they didn't just tie my arm to a board or something.  Before Clint and the principal and his wife left, the school administrator left after I was diagnosed, Clint was moving a small piece of furniture in my room and a large cockroach ran across the floor and under another piece of furniture.  Clint's reaction panicked me a little because I thought it was a big spider.  I said I can handle the cockroach but if it was a spider than I was not staying.  I asked the nurse to leave one light on to help remind me where I was and to keep my arm straight.  

          During the night I opened my eyes and that cockroach was half the way up the wall.  I had no idea they could scale a vertical wall.  I kept watching it because I was afraid it was going to fall on my bag which was just below it.  It went all the way to the ceiling and back down and jumped onto the TV and then onto my bag.  There was nothing I could do.  I watched it go inside the front flap and then go inside the unzipped top and finally come out again.  I laid there wondering if it was coming for me next.  They don't have bed nets at the hospital.  I think I finally fell asleep around four in the morning.  

          They kept testing my blood sugar and blood pressure all night to make sure it was going up.  I finally got to go home on Sunday about noon.  I walked through the hospital and across the street covering my face and holding Clint's arm.  I was in my flip-flops, pink pajamas with wild bed hair and cotton still stuck to my arm.  I slept all afternoon and still felt the same not any better or worse.  My pain and fever was reduced and the diarrhea was gone by evening so I guess I am better.  They told me I had a mild case.

          The paramedic who treated me before the doctor arrived was a white man from South Africa.  His accent made me ask if he was from the Land Down Under.  Well he was from below the Equator just not Australia.  He said he had been in Nigeria for 12 years and he has had malaria 6 times.  I wasn't sure if that was comforting information or not.  He had survived it that many times but he had also gotten it that many times.  I was told I can never give blood or be an organ donor now.  Malaria is for life but the drugs they have now to combat it are much better.  I will need to let my doctor back home know because they don't see patients with it routinely and won't be looking for it when I am sick.  It can flare up when I am already sick with something else which is probably what happened this time.  I got the flu and already had the malaria in my blood so it tried to take over.  I know God was watching over me because I would not have gone to the hospital except for the strange chest pain that the doctor could not explain and I needed the malaria medication.  So I am okay with that.

          Sunday night Clint and I had a disturbing night.  My C-PAP machine often shuts off because of a loss of power and I feel like I cannot breath so it wakes me right up.  I have gotten used to it and now I just open my mouth and take the mask off my nose quickly.  This time I woke up because my throat felt like it was closing and I could barely breath.  I sat up and grabbed Clint's arm.  He cannot see without his glasses and it was dark anyway.  All I could muster was some gurgling sounds.  He kept asking me what was wrong but didn't know what to do.  Within less than a minute it got better.  I had a funny taste in my mouth and a thick mucus that felt like it was blocking my airway.  Clint got me some water and it helped.  Of course it scared us both but we got back to sleep.  We decided I still was dehydrated.
          A couple hours later I had a nightmare.  In my dream I was trying to get Clint's attention and was screaming at him for help.  We were in a speeding vehicle and his attention was diverted and we were about to crash.  I woke up with a terrible stomach ache so I slipped out of the net and went into the bathroom.  I hadn't woken him up because I could still hear him snoring.  I was out of bed about ten minutes when he woke up and called to me in an alarmed voice.  He heard me yelling for him and reached over and I wasn't in bed.  I told him I had not yelled except in my nightmare several minutes earlier.  It was so strange how he was just sure he had heard me next to him yelling for him just then. Of course that shook us up again but we were finally able to get back to sleep.  

          I really wonder if my regular medication which the doctor said I could start taking last night was not mixing well with the three new things I am on for the malaria.  I will tell the doctor today when I go over for my final shot.  I now know without a shadow of doubt that my husband cares about my well being.  He was grumpy yesterday doing the cooking, dishes, and laundry but that is okay I would be too.  Life is never easy but I know he has my back.  I think God might have been testing him last night.

Update 
          I asked for the name of the anti-malaria medicine they gave me at the hospital today when I went in for my third shot.  The nurse gave me the box the serum was in.  It is called E Mal.  I looked it up on the Internet.  It came out in 1997 and is used to treat complicated and uncomplicated falciparum malaria which is the kind that is not liver persistent and comes with a tertian fever.  A tertian fever is one that comes and goes.  This medication only takes three days with one shot per day and has a lower incidence of recurrence.  I was asked if I was given Quinine but it is only given in severe cases and some forms of malaria have become resistant to it.  The nurse who gave me the shot today said I should come back in a week and get another blood test just to make sure the E Mal did what it was supposed to do.  I remember hearing I had three protozoa that showed up under the microscope which is considered low so I am very thankful I went to the hospital when I did and did not let it go any longer.  I am going to keep this box and give it to my doctor back home.  I also read bitter root is a natural way to fight malaria.  I remember my principal's wife said one of the expats made her some soup with it.  He is still here so I will talk to him tonight.  He has been giving Clint green coconuts to prevent kidney stones.  We are getting a mixture of care but it is good to cover all the bases.